10.09.06
Hungry, with lots of free time
I just thought this was funny…. some guy in Taiwan turned his PC into a Waffle House. 
09.15.06
Larry Miller- Brilliant Man
Just read this whole thing and watch where it goes…. (by the way, I agree about cell phones):
I HATE CELL PHONES.
Well, hate is probably too strong a word.
No, it’s not. I hate them.
I know they’ve become as essential for all of us as deodorant and bottled water, and that without our phones, we would all sit very still for half a minute or so, then begin drumming our fingers, then roll our necks a couple of times, take a deep breath in and out, quietly whistle a bar or two of “Arriverderci, Roma,” then suddenly vault up, screaming, and dive out the nearest tenth story window.
The ones who astonish me are the people who wear hidden, hearing-aid-sized models and strut down the street yakking to no one and looking for all the world like escaped mental patients. (By the way, do we even have mental patients who escape anymore? If so, do guards in all-white uniforms still chase them down with butterfly nets? You know, where by the time they catch the guy he’s already talked himself into being the head of Ford or something? And everyone’s shocked to find out he was just crazy? On the other hand, maybe that explains why they made a car called the “Probe.”)
A Friday Funny
A medical professor was giving a lecture on “Involuntary Muscular Contractions” to his first year medical students. Realizing that this was not the most riveting subject, the prof decided to lighten the mood slightly.
He pointed to a young woman in the front row and said, “Do you know what your asshole is doing while you’re having an orgasm?”
She replied, “Probably deer hunting with his buddies.”
09.13.06
SEE! I TOLD YOU! She’s clearing the way for Usama to come-a-courtin’.
If you’ll remember, not too long ago I showed you this.
Could this be the first step?
Of course, I can’t blame her. If I had to do this, I’d consider divorce myself.
Perhaps most memorably, Houston, best known for her tender ballads “I Will Always Love You” and “The Greatest Love of All,” once recalled on the program how Brown once manually assisted her in a bowel movement (emphasis added - like it needed emphasis).
Usama’s got to have a king-sized erection over this bit of news! Inquiring (and obviously sarcastic - I don’t need a lawsuit from Whitney’s people) minds want to know, will he now make his move in between bouts of jihad fever?
I don’t know about y’all, but I’m anxious for more updates!
09.08.06
Good Hillary joke
A twist on the old stranded-driver/farmhouse joke.
Hillary Clinton and her driver were cruising along a country road one evening when an ancient cow loomed in front of the car. The driver tried to avoid it but couldn’t - the aged bovine was struck and killed.
Hillary told her driver to go up to the farmhouse and explain to the owners what had happened. She stayed in the car making phone calls to lobbyists.
About an hour later the driver staggered back to the car with his clothes in disarray.
He was holding a half-empty bottle of expensive wine in one hand, a rare, huge Cuban cigar in the other, and was smiling happily, smeared with lipstick.
“What happened to you,” asked Hillary?
“Well,” the driver replied, “the farmer gave me the cigar, his wife gave me the wine, and their beautiful twin daughters made mad passionate love to me.”!
“My God, what did you tell them?” asked Hillary.
The driver replied, “I just stepped inside the door and said, I’m Hillary Clinton’s driver and I’ve just killed the old cow.
The rest happened so fast I couldn’t stop it.”
“Courage” for Katie
She wants a new sign-off slogan for herself, huh ? Scrappleface has some suggestions.
10. “Well, there’s 22 minutes of your life you can never get back.”
…
7. “I’m Katie Couric, and that’s the way it is at the DNC.”
6. “That’s the news and I mean it. Does anybody want a peanut?”
Gotta think a bit about that last one. (can anyone place it ?)
My personal suggestion…. “Word to ya mutha. Peace out homie.”
UPDATE: JEG got the reference…. here’s the text:
Inigo Montoya: That Vizzini, he can *fuss*.
Fezzik: Fuss, fuss… I think he like to scream at *us*.
Inigo Montoya: Probably he means no *harm*.
Fezzik: He’s really very short on *charm*.
Inigo Montoya: You have a great gift for rhyme.
Fezzik: Yes, yes, some of the time.
Vizzini: Enough of that.
Inigo Montoya: Fezzik, are there rocks ahead?
Fezzik: If there are, we all be dead.
Vizzini: No more rhymes now, I mean it.
Fezzik: Anybody want a peanut?
Vizzini: DYEEAAHHHHHH.
09.07.06
The French are pansies
The story is mostly about how the French “reject the war on terror,” but I like this part, cause it sets up an easy joke.
Both France and the United States have played down splits opened by the Iraq war, pointing especially to cooperation on attempts by the West to contain Iran’s nuclear ambitions.
But differences in tone and style have often resurfaced, notably during the Lebanon crisis, where France initially offered to send just 400 peacekeepers to Lebanon despite vigorously backing calls for an international force.
Why only 400 peacekeepers ? That’s all the white flags they could find. (Ba dump bump)
